Let My Words Be Few

My Job

2011-03-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

To put it short, I'm not a fan of my job. Some days it can be good, while others it can be bad. Just like any job really.

The parts I dislike however is that I have to work 6 days a week with the SAME EXACT people. You could say they're like family cause there's times I love them, and times I "dislike" them. Probably because of the amount of time we spend with each other. For one, when it comes to what I want to do with my life and how to get there, not very supportive. Not to say I need their support but when holding that stuff in for so long or getting negative criticism everytime it's brought up, it can get frustrating...to say the least.

Not to mention they can't take anything they dish out. I'm I guess what you'd call the "pick-on-buddy". It doesn't bother me cause I can take it and don't take it personally. I love laughing at myself. It's never a matter of "not sticking up for myself" cause ultimately I don't care and if they do say something offensive, I call them out on it. BUT, whenever I make a joke towards them or call them out on something, that could be the SAME scenario or situation as something they've done to me, they get offended and pissed. Not to mention they act immature about the whole situation by dropping comments that are below the belt....and they know it. I constantly use this as motivation to get out and into a job I love doing.

Bottom line, this is me venting. I don't like to complain about these things cause I feel like when it's actually spoken, it sounds silly. So I'm writing it down...or typing I guess.

I Want an Adventure

2011-01-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm in a state/stage/phase, or whatever you'd call it, in my life where I just want to let loose. Lately I've had urges to go on some kind of adventure, big or small, or something exciting that gets my adrenaline pumping. I realize most guys have these urges but it seems like the urge has been more strong since I've been out of my "teens". It's as though my 6 year old self is trapped in my 21 year old body. You know how when you're young you daydream about being in car chases, skydiving, etc. Well it doesn't help now that I have the tools, money, and the means to do those things. Such as having a car and wanting to be in a car chase. I find myself now, when listening to certain music, accelerating on highways and "slightly" weaving in and out of cars. I know I know....I'm that guy.

There's so many things I want to do now that I know I won't be able to when I'm older. This due to a wife, kids, more bills with less money, or even won't physically be able to. I wanna do things like go on a road trip with friends. Go base jumping, cliff jumping, bunjee jumping, and any other kind of jumping you can think of. I want to travel and meet new people and experience different things. I would like get and ride bikes; this being both kinds, motorcycle and bicycle. In the summer I want to wakeboard, knee-board, jet ski, and anything else you can think of doing on a lake. I especially want to start camping more. I absolutley love gathering around a campfire with friends and talking and laughing.

I want to do all these things now because I haven't gotten to do them, or if I have not as much as I would've liked, in my past. Plus it seems the window for these opportunities are short on life's schedule. From now on back I've had to go to school and have a job leaving me without time and money to do those things. Most of my money has gone to expenses not leaving me with much to make these dreams realities. I feel now is different though and I'm wanting to take advantage of it. The adventure begins now and I do not want to look back. It's time to live with some adrenaline....and I am so stoked.

Pros & Cons of Growing Up

2011-01-11T14:05:00.000-08:00

As I've come to grow older, I've learned to love it while at the same time hating it. So, I've decided to list the pros and cons of a natural part of life....growing up.

Pros
More responsibilities
Having your own income
More freedom....most of the time
Deeper thoughts
Deeper relationships
Tend to be taken more seriously
Wiser
Developing your own family

Cons
More stress
Bills
Harder work
More expenses
More complicated
Life is less forgiving
Loved ones die
More decisions

Pretty basic answers. Could go more into detail but....just didn't.

The Barbarian Way

2010-12-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite books is The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. So many good quotes in this book it's overwhelming. He explains how the life of a Christian should be barbaric or be lived at a barbaric point of view. We as Christians are described as aliens because our way of living is unheard of. The way we give. The way we talk. The way we live. It's different. McManus explains this throughout the book providing examples throughout scripture and Jesus's teachings.

"God's will for us is less about our comfort than it is about our contribution. God would never choose for us safety at the cost of significance." Brilliant right? When we decide to become followers, we decide to leave our lives of comfort. We model our lives after the life of Jesus and his did not scream "comftorable". And I love the way he explains that God wouldn't choose safety for us at the cost of significance. Where would we be if people played it safe? I realize that sounds incredibly "original" but that doesn't make it any less true. Who wants to play it safe when you can have an adventure. That's the call of a disciple! "To be filled with the Spirit of God is to be filled with dreams and visions that are too compelling to ignore."

Ok here's a scenario. You're at your local Walmart and you hear of a person asking for money so they can get a ride home (feel free to input a different means of them asking for money). You decide you're going to help them out. So, you give them a $20. Nay, you're feeling generous. You give them $30. They thank you and they use it for its intended purpose.

Now, same scenario, different outcome. Instead of giving them $30, you take out your wallet/clip/treasure chest, or whatever the heck you keep your presidents in, and give them everything. Yeah, that's what I said. EVERYTHING. For sake of argument lets throw out some real numbers....$160. Not cheap but ultimately not a lot either. Whichever way you look at it, quite a bit of money given the circumstance. And all you say is, "Here, get yourself a ride home and use the rest to bless someone with." or something of the sort. That'd be ridiculous would it not? In fact, that'd be barbaric. But my how that person would think about that afterwards.

That's what I'm talking about. To live a life of a radical. A Barbarian. To live a life of adventure and excitement for our Christ is a life worth living. For "to live is Christ and to die is gain." And I know, would it be comftorable? Probably not. Would it be safe? Not always. But the fact you're living your life as a disciple...

what a rush.

Apealing? Maybe not to some. But I say bring it on.

Someone Get Me Some Miracle Grow

2010-12-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

I feel myself growing, and I love it.

I love being pushed to exceed expectations.
I love being pulled into something to make me a better person.

I feel myself growing, and I love it.

Overload

2010-12-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

Ever have those days where, for some reason, you feel overwhelmed at how many thoughts you have? Or even what they're about? It's the same amount, or same kind, of thoughts that keep you lying awake at night because for some reason...
You
Just
Can't
Shake
Them.

Today's one of those days.

My mind is racing with so many questions and thoughts and worries that I just don't know where to start or even what to do with them. Worst part is that there's no reason I should be thinking about these things let alone worried about them. And as if to cause a chain reaction, these days tend to make me a little depressed and impatient. I feel it's a test God is giving me to test my patience and faith so that I may be given the chance to perservere and grow. I believe that when you ask God for things, more specifically qualities, he gives you the opportunity to work on those qualities. Which makes sense giving the fact I've been praying for a patient heart. With circumstances like these, it's always helpful to have someone to talk to. Let me rephrase that, someone you trust that you can talk to.
Someone wise.
Somone who listens.
Someone you trust will look at you the same after the conversation. People like this are hard to find. It seems that you have to go to certain people with different subjects to avoid arguments, cynicism, or bad advice because of today's society. For instance, you don't go to a prideful person when dealing with a humble subject/situation. All your doing is creating problems. And if you don't have somone to go to, you end up fighting with yourself. You wrestle with your own struggles behind closed doors and begin to become unhealthy
Physically
Emotionally
And spiritually.
The background on my phone definitely helps though. "...present your requests to God. And the peace of God....will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Mostly when times like these strike, I pick up my acoustic and play til my fingers bleed (not literally obviously) but currently, while I'm writing this, I am at work. Which ultimately doesn't help matters but since I need the money complaining does me no good. Kind of a "get over it" attitude, if you will. I realize this comes off as a pessimistic post but, as much as it pains me to admit this, blogging helps with struggles since it's now "out in the open".

30 Favorite Things to Do

2010-12-07T15:31:00.000-08:00

A list of 30 favorite things to do:

1) Relax
2) Watch good movies
3) Play Call of Duty
4) Read a good book
5) Go camping
6) Campfires and roasting over campfires
7) Campfire talks
8) Deep talks/Spiritual talks
9) Teaching
10) Designing
11) Filming
12) Basketball
13) Ultimate Frisbee
14) People watching
15) Working out
16) Meditating
17) Naps
18) Window shopping
19) Hanging out with friends
20) Road trips
21) Rollercoasters
22) Amusement parks
23) LIVE football games
24) Random nice gestures
25) Pranks
26) Walks
27) Tennis
28) Mini Golf
29) Sledding
30) Cliff Jumping

10 Year Plan

2010-12-07T11:17:00.000-08:00

At one point in anyone's life, they're bound to be asked, or think about, they're 10 year plan. What they'll be doing, if they'll be married, if so will they have kids and how many, where they're living...so on and so forth. Sometimes when I think about it, I'd like to skip all the stuff in between and jump straight into 10 years from now. Immediately be in my career, have a wife, kids, house, etc. But then again you learn a lot from going through the "in-betweens". Our experience through certain situations we go through and encounter is what grows us and makes us more mature and wise. So I actually can wait and somewhat look forward to what I will experience between then and now. Plus, time travel is impossible until Doc Brown shares the intelligence of the flux compasitor with the rest of mankind. So, ultimately, I don't really have a choice.

But that's neither here nor there. In 10 years, I'll nearly be 31 years old. Ooooo.....reality check. By that time I hope to have a wife, 2 or MAYBE 3 kids (depending on when I get married and the opinions/decisions of my wife that will surely be overriden by mine), a house for sure (don't like the idea of throwing my money away on an apartment), and a steady career in videography and design. As far as where I'm living, kind of undecided. Someone explained to me that they'd like to live in a small town that's about 30 minutes away from a big city. Immediately I loved that idea. I'm pretty simplistic, for the most part, and would like to live fairly simple without the chaos of a big city but have the leisure of multiple stores/restaurants/services at my fingertips. I also want to have plenty of "playtime" with my family. Nothing like creating memories by having barbecues, playing baseball, running through sprinklers, or anything else you can do in your backyard or at your house.

All in all, really nothing that exciting. Pretty basic answer for a basic question. However a satisfied life for a simplistic person.

My Buried Life

2010-12-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Before I go into this post, I love how they named that show "The Buried Life". I love that it has a double meaning where on one side they're describing your deepest desires of what you want to do before you die, where as the other side is describing death and how most lives are buried after they pass on. Gotta love subtleties.

Anyways, the term "bucket list" has come up in conversation a lot lately making me think about mine. I have never made a bucket list, per se, but I have always kept in mind what I would like to do before I kick the can. As I began thinking about it, there is only 1 thing I'd really like to do before I die.

Before I expose that however, let me build a foundation. I love helping people. Let me be more specific. I love helping people with they're dreams. If I ever get the chance to hear someone say, "I'd like to...." and you can fill in the blank, I get inspired. I guess you could somehow relate it to the movie Hitch but obviously replace "girls" with "dreams". I start researching, looking for anything and anybody I can find to help out. Typically I can setup a good structure for that person to go off of and they can go from there. Cause ultimately they're gonna have to follow through with it. I get a kind of rush from helping them out because I know that this could potentially be the start of something awesome for that person.

With all this in mind, the only thing on my bucket list is helping her out with hers. "Her" being my wife if that came across confusing. You could say the pressure's on because on anybody else's list you can accomplish some while not accomplishing others. So really, you still get some satisfaction in crossing something out. However, on mine, it's a pass or fail. But I'm fine with that. I want to help her live the most amazing life possible so she can look back with no regrets knowing she tried to live life to the fullest. I realize this sounds really un-satisfying for some and maybe even "chick-flick" but nothing could be more satisfying. For me anyways.

And I know what you're thinking. "What if she doesn't have a bucket list?" ....Well....I guess I'll start with skydiving.

A Mentor to Remember

2010-11-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

A few years back my Nannie, dad's mom, passed away. She died of cancer. She had cancer prior to this time but was healed. Then I guess cancer decided to sneak back into her life.

Before I go into depth of why I'm writing about her, I feel like certain things need to be known about her. My Nannie was the best influence a person could be. She was a prayer warrior. She would get up at 4 o'clock everyday to pray for her family and friends along with other specific prayer requests. She was very involved in the church and was the single most giving person I have ever met, even to this day. She would always take my cousins, brother, and myself out to eat, on vacation trips and even shopping trips to tulsa or muskogee. As a kid I loved that because I loved shopping for toys.

But since I've grown up I can't remember a single toy or item that was purchased from those trips. All I remember was her taking her time and money to spend with her grandchildren. And I know what you're thinking. Every grandparent does that or something similar to it. The thing that she did different though was how she always mentored us on the ways of the Spirit. She always instilled in us how important it is to have a relationship with our Christ and to fuel that relationship we needed to meditate on scripture. She prayed with us. She prayed for us. She cared for us to a point of where I didn't think I deserved it. Making me fully realize what Grace was and how God shows grace to us.

Fast forward to when she found out she had cancer again, she began going through treatment. She took more pills than anyone should take in a day along with carrot juice/smoothies and other nasty ingredients that were supposed to help her tobe diagnosed. She realized though, from scripture, that God was telling her she only had a few months to live and that she should make the most of it. If you've ever read Tuesday's with Morrie it was something similar to that. She planned out her funeral. She started eating things she actually wanted to eat. She spent massive amounts of time with her family. As time progressed she began to get worse. Losing massive amounts of weight and getting weaker and weaker. I'll never forget walking into her bedroom and seeing her on a hospital bed with the hospice. I almost immediately burst into tears and had to look down at the floor to keep composure. She had tubes hooked to her wrists and nose while her eyes were closed and mouth open, looking like she was in enormous pain. It still makes me hurt just thinking about it.

A couple weeks later she passed on, which gave us all a sense of peace. At her funeral she had all her grandchildren on stage singing Chris Tomlin's "How Great is Our God". The funeral service was more of a celebration for our Lord Jesus. And I love that. Because we should be celebrating. She's in a better place beyond our comprehension and she knew her passing wasn't as important as celebrating the resurection of Christ who bridged the gap. But before she died she wrote every grandchild a letter. That letter has been hanging on my bulletin board ever since and I didn't read it for a long time until 2 nights ago. Since then, I keep it in my wallet as a reminder of a greater influence and how I need to let her legacy live on. It reads:

"Dear Nick,

Time has passed so very fast, you now being a Senior, getting ready to step out into a new season of life. It seems that only yesterday that I was offering you a baby cookie and you indicated to all of us about your intolerance of food. Through the years you have made me very proud of your faith and your life in our Lord Jesus Christ. It is most wonderful to have a grandson that you don't worry about straying down the wrong road. I have been proud of the many achievements that you have received from schools and the leadership roles that you have played in the lives of other children. I have loved the way that you have let me pull you aside and give you a kiss even when it might have been emberrassing for you. You have made me very special by writing and playing a song just for me. I know that God has had His hand on your life and will continue to guide you to a bright future. That future can only be bright if you grow to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your sould and all of your mind."

Love you Nannie. Tell Jesus I said hey.

What I Am Most Thankful For

2010-11-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and with everyone else on the cliche train, I figured I'd hop on board and list what I'm most thankful for.

I have a pretty awesome family. Parents that have never been divorced and a brother that has, with certain exceptions, a good head on his shoulders; and all of us are strong in our faith. A blessing to say the least.

I have a dad that has always been there for me and has taught me things needed in life along with a good foundation to set my morals and goals on. I find myself using the sayings he's instructed me on more and more as I grow up and I am thanksful that those were instilled in me that I may pass them on to my children.

I have a brother who challenges me to become more creative by having unspoken "let's see who can out design who" competitions. He's funny, and since he's a teenager, it's cool hanging out with him especially when working on projects. I can usually count on a good laugh with some awesome sarcastic comments.

I am a mama's boy so naturally my mom is one of my hero's. She always considers others before herself and has a love that knows no bounds. I can tell her pretty much anything, except for things concerning tattoos and such, and always have fun with her. Especially scaring her when she's in the bathroom ; ) If I could be as half as giving as she's been it'd be an ultimate victory. Whether she's giving her time by volunteering or money for a cause or even no cause at all, she is always giving. I feel humbled and bless to have such a great mom. Everyone has told me that guys usually pick wives that remind them of their mom and that couldn't be more true in this case. She shows qualities I value and would like to have in a future wife. Considerate. Giving. Compassionate. Humble. Nice. Good sense of Humor. Merciful. All qualities of a Godly woman.

I love my family and am soooo blessed to have parents that have raised me well and a brother who I can hang with. This is what I will be praying about when we all sit down to give thanks on our thanksgiving feast.

Prayer —> Peace

2010-11-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Definitely one of my favorite verses. As everyone grows older, things get tougher and more stressful. Kind of a given. And people have different ways to deal with that stress, some ways being better than others. A way I use to deal with it was punching on a punching bag until I could barely lift my arms. As a guy, that way helps a lot but unfortunately, due to weather and gravity, bag was eventually ruined so I had to find a new way.

This verse is one I have on the background of my phone. That way it's always there to remind me of the peace I have in our Jesus. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God." I love the fact God wants us to present our troubles to him. Any other God you read about in other religions, you will not hear of this. They are an entire different entity and people believe that they are beyond talking to.
But not our God.
Not The God.
How peaceful is it that we can instantly ask the Creator of the Universe to help us with our troubles and concerns. What better hands to put those in than the hands that created the holy ground we stand on. This peace "transcends all understanding". Granted, not all of His ways of dealing with our questions and concerns are the what we want but it is guaranteed it is the best way. This "guards [our] hearts and [our] minds in Christ Jesus."

I've also learned that presenting our requests to Christ then leaving them in His hands and leaving us with peace in our hearts, it's a way of showing faith. Paul explains over and over again about faith and how it shows if we are "Christians" or not. Anybody can call themselves Christians but not everybody can live as Christians. You can stand in a garage and say your a corvette while muttering "vroom vroom" but ultimately you're looking like a complete idiot. Faith is how we show what we believe.

Also on a side-note, Justin Bieber won artist of the year.......if anything that transcends all my understanding

A Rock Turned Over

2010-11-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

Too many rocks have been turned over
With nothing being found.
I've searched and looked
Under any rock that lays at my feet
For the qualities of His liking
As well as mine.
And as I turn over each Rock
Each pebble
Each stone
Two things lie that makes each stone
Harder and harder to turn over
For it leaves my heart aching
And my feet dragging
With a continued search
Of a suitable helper that fits
My Puzzle Piece.
But what happens when a rock is turned
And promise is revealed?
You smile because
You may have finally found
What those other rocks have not revealed.
But you struggle because that's half the battle.
Now you have to be accepted
And be what the promise under the rock
Has been waiting for,
Leaving you vulnerable.
You pace with sweat dripping
And thoughts wondering,
Knowing if you are rejected
A longer search awaits you.
You realize it's a never ending circle
Until you are accepted
And the two pieces fit together.
But I don't want to turn over another stone.
I feel the qualities under the last turned stone
Are the ones I've sought for
Under the Rocks
Stones
And Pebbles
That have been turned.
I feel that if rejection turns its ugly head
That it will make the next stones
Just that more heavy.
And I feel that I am out of energy.
I'm ready to leave the rocks behind
And use that energy to please You
To Love You
To Grow You.
Take this burden away
And end the search
For I am searching on a beach
Of waves crashing into stones.

Passion

2010-11-14T15:39:00.000-08:00

Passion is defined as any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. I love how it says powerful because that's exactly what passion is and how it is used. I attended a revival with a friend about a week ago and as I sat back and watched the choir sing and the congregation join in song, I wondered if there's any difference in churches like these and one's like LifeChurch, Northpoint, Mars Hill, or even Hillsong. As I sang and thought, there's not much difference.

The Church in retrospect is the same.

The Church is a group of believers coming together to praise our Dad and to lift each other up to do His work throughout the week. Though some may have intelligent lights, orange or marshall amps and an awesome pa system that's not what defines that certain group of believers. In essence, a Church of Christ service can be the same as a Hillsong service. It just boils down to if you're worshipping or not. Granted, maybe for people around my age, a Hillsong worship service would be more exciting and easier for me to relate to given their modern worship style but I can still worship singing in acapella with the rest of the congregation in a Church of Christ setting. This is where passion comes in.

A church with legit equipment such as lights and the equipment their playing can be awesome but without passion it is void. Whenever I am asked to play in Sunday morning services, our music pastor always tells us to enjoy the worship and be passionate. For that's when the crowd can get involved. We are all worship leaders, though some of us don't lead by singing and playing the acoustic guitar, how we worship can lead others to the narrow path. I believe that is why Hillsong is so known. Their passion is incredible and their hearts are sincere and full of the love of our Father. Seeing them "in concert" is an experience in itself because the passion overflows from the cup onto the people around them. I find myself now seeing if I am as passionate in different worship settings. Because I know if I'm not, my heart isn't right. My heart isn't worshiping our Jesus but the instruments and music being played for that purpose.

It's important to be passionate especially when dealing with worship and the Church. If you are not passionate about a God who pierced his hands and feet, wore a crown of bloody thorns, and cried out for our lives, then how are you worshiping. How are we worshiping. "Passion is a wildfire not needing to be put out, but to spread to the apathetic."

Life's a Teacher So Watch Her Ruler

2010-09-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

I love experiences because they tell good stories and teach good lessons. So in the past few months, I've added a few stories to my collection. Moving into an apartment being one of them. That's where a majority of my stories and experiences originate.

Like how to manage your money well.

With as many hours as I work and my expenses, there's usually not much left over. Between gas (commuting 1600 miles a month), insurance, rent, cable, electric, groceries, and a meal out here and there it gets pretty costly. But people experience far worse.

I also learn how to manage time well.

To get you on the same page, here's a look at my weekly schedule:

Monday/Wednesday

Wake-up at 7
Commute 7:45-8:30
Class 9-3
Commute 3-3:45
Work 3:45-6
Homework 6-? (Also have Community Bible Study Monday Nights)

Tuesday/Thursday

Wake-up at 6
Commute 6:45-7:30
Class 8-3
Commute 3-3:45
Work 3:45-6
Homework 6-? (Also have another Bible Study Tuesday Nights)

Friday

Wake-up at 8:30
Meet with Music Pastor for Breakfast round 9
Work 11-6
Free Time/Shooting photography for local high school football teams

Saturday

Wake-up at 7:30
Work 8:15-12
Rest/Nap/Free Time or whatever

Sunday

Wake-up at 9:30
Help with Jr. High 10:15-12
Lunch with friends
Homework (naturally I wait the last second for this)

Schedule isn't that bad but after a few weeks it can get pretty exhausting. Especially when freelancing in my free time. But I like staying busy. It always gives me something to do and, though I love to sit back and relax, keeps me from being bored.

But besides the "earthly" lessons I have learned about responsibility, growing up, and being in the "real world" I have noticed revelations along the way that hit me on a deeper level. Such as, what I want when I'm older. As easy as money can make things, I value my time more than money and that will continue. I would much rather spend time with my family and friends than working more hours for more pay. I don't want money to be the foundation of my decisions or happiness because, as the saying goes, you can't take that with you. I would much rather make memories with the ones I love and care about. And along the lines of family, and I mean future family, I've come to learn and mature in what I want and need in a future wife. With the past few months going by concerning my dating life, if that's what you'd call it, I've come to desire something a little bit more intimate than what society might call a casual relationship. Those aren't satisfying. With what I've learned regarding those, I made a vow to myself. That vow is to not kiss another girl unless it's my wife. I understand that can be confusing because you won't really know until you KNOW her. So my plan is my next "first kiss" to be when I propose. The thought behind this is, it'll give me a chance to get to know the person I'm interested in without worrying about when the physical part should set it. That just complicates things and I don't like complicated. Simplicity is underrated.

Helping with the Jr. High has also taught me a few things; endurance being one of them. Being a counselor in a youth group is great accountability. And that's what I try to use it for. I can't be helping and teaching these hormone crazed youngins knowing I'm not living the life that I'm trying to help them live. Otherwise it's void. Patience is another key thing. You can't expect too much out of 7th and 8th graders, that is when comparing them to college aged kids. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for disappointment and an advil. That's why I try to have fun, be spontaneous, present the main point for that sunday in a way they can relate and think on....then move on. A wise man once said, "Present the gospel everywhere you go. If necessary, use words." Soooo true when mentoring to kids who look up to you. They're smart enough to raise questions on their own and they'll present you with those when the time's right.

Basically the 3 key things I've learned, and I've learned more that come with some hilarious stories. But I realize an attention span is hard to keep so I'm gonna stop here.

One last thing to meditate on that you shouldn't learn the hard way:

If a kid ever asks, "Where do babies come from?" Never, and I must reiterate, NEVER tell them to google it.

A Beautiful Exchange

2010-08-02T20:42:00.001-07:00

Last week I had the pleasure of attending a Hillsong concert at Church on the Move in Tulsa. They just recently released a new record entitled A Beautiful Exchange so, naturally, the tour was called the Beautiful Exchange tour. The pastor that traveled with them explained why they named their current record A Beautiful Exchange and he basically explained that Jesus made a beautiful exchange when he died for us.

That's such a cool way to think about it.

We hear the word "sacrifice" all the time and though that's true it becomes numb the more times we hear it. What Jesus did was truly a beautiful exchange. He exchanged our deserved death for life by giving his. But we have beautiful exchanges as well. Anytime we meet someone new we have a beautiful exchange because we meet another "us".

We meet another "me".

We meet another "we".

We meet another "brother".

We meet another "sister".

I was pondering on why facebook is such a hit. Ask anyone why they have it. 95% if not more say it's to keep in touch. But lets face it, that's not usually the case. Anyone, including myself, can keep up with friends via phone whether it be calling them or texting them. The real reason we all have a facebook is cause its more convenient and we love stalking people and the pictures, posts, comments, and friends each other have. If someone messages us or comments us or whatever the case may be, we like the fact that we don't have to respond right then. It's on our time. The ball's in our court. We're in control, and we LOVE that. And how convenient it is that we can look at all their photos to see what they look like in current situations, what type of people they hang out with, etc. That my friends is not a beautiful exchange. When we meet face to face and talk, laugh, hang out....

That is a beautiful exchange.

It's about community. Jesus demonstrated that flawlessly and we should follow that example then lead by example. He made a beautiful exchange so we may have a beautiful exchange.

"When only love could make a way

You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange

When only love could break these chain

You gave Your life in a beautiful exchange"

He still wants us and still wants to exchange with us. Through prayer. Through scripture. Through people. But we fight back. We say no. We want the ball in our court not his. Cause love control. And we hate being vulnerable. "You were near though I was distant. Disillusioned, I was lost and insecure. Still mercy fought for my attention. You were waiting at the door, then I let You in."

Perfection took our place in a Beautiful Exchange.

I'm Tom Hanks from "Big"

2010-04-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone at one point in their life has thought about how nice it would be to be little again. Not really a specific age, just little. Maybe sometime in between kindergarten and the end of elementary or even before. I find myself thinking about that often now.

Things were so much more simple back then. Only things we had to worry about was an occasional homework assignment, which might consist of coloring or basic math problems, getting into trouble with our parents that might lead to disciplining (which for me was either a belt or a big wooden spoon), or to narrow down your super long christmas list to the things you wanted most.

These times were great! No responsibilities. No bills. No jobs. No worries about gas prices or stimulus plans. We lived moment to moment and tried to find out how to make the world we lived in more fun and more enjoyable. And the creativity we had was amazing! If you ever notice people loose creativity when they grow older due to people using phrases such as, "Grow up." or "Stop being immature." or even "Stop that foolish thinking; this is the real world." But that's foolishness talking. I loved/love to look up at clouds to see what I can see or daydream about experiences that will never happen. That's why I love to design! We use design as a form of visual communication because, as we all know, a picture is like 1000 words. It communicates an idea or how we want it interpreted. The saying, "The kids say the darndest things" reminds me of this because we get a tiny view of how they percieve the world. That's why I love to hang around kids. Sometimes I get a chance to help out in the nursery at our church and it is always a blast. Though usually I am out of breath, it's always fun giving piggy back rides, hide and seek, or the classic airpline ride. It helps me let loose and be a kid again.

We need more times like this. It's so uplifting and relieves us from the stress and thoughts of what we have to do in our day to day lives. Studies have shown that stress is a major contributor of heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes, and also affects the immune system. Who wants to live with that? And some may ask do we even have a choice? Life, otherwise known or called reality, is something we all have to deal with. However, we can choose how we deal with it.

For me, I'm choosing to deal with it in the most fun, creative, and enjoyable way possible.

Jesus Blew His Whistle

2010-02-05T18:35:00.001-08:00

In my online Ethics class we've been going through a chapter that brings up the term "whistleblower". We read about the Sarbanes-Oxley Act; which prohibits any public company from discriminating against any employee who lawfully provides information or otherwise assists in an investigation of conduct that the employee (or whistleblower) "reasonably believes" constitutes a violation of the federal securities laws. But, like anything else, there are loopholes to this Act that companies take advantage of. And for sake of argument, lets call the whistleblower 'Ox'.

- They can attack Ox's motives, credibility, or professional competence.

- They can reassign Ox to an isolated work location

- They can publicly humiliate Ox by setting him up for failure and putting him in impossible assignments

- Or they can prosecute Ox for unauthorized disclosures of information.

After reading the statistics and stories of multiple whistleblowers I was astonished....to say the least. I can't help but question the society we live in where people are persecuted for bringing moral justice. And I am disappointed because I know it's only going to get worse because of moral laziness and lack of backbone.

C.H. Farnsworth explains that workers who reveal waste, fraud, and abuse can expect retaliation, financial loss and high emotional and physical stress. A whistleblower who worked in a nuclear power plant, and I emphasize NUCLEAR POWER PLANT, wrote: "This has turned out to be the most frightening thing I have ever done."

Lets recap. A worker in a NUCLEAR POWER PLANT said that his act of integrity was "the most frightening thing [he has] ever done." Think of the persecution he faced that would make him say that.

In a recent survey, 1 out of every 5 whistleblowers reported they were without a job, and 25% mentioned increased financial burdens on the family as the most negative result of their action.

17% lost their homes.

57% of the whistleblowers said they were harassed by peers at work.

15% view their subsequent divorce a result of their whistleblowing activity.

10% report having attempted suicide. Others admit having considered it.

80% reported physical deterioration, with loss of sleep and added weight as symptoms

86% reported negative emotional consequences, including feelings of depression, powerlessness, isolation, anxiety, and anger.

But as I read this and meditate on it I can't help but ask myself, "Was Jesus a Whistleblower?" And I usually conclude in a "pphhhhh....duh." Jesus always stood up for what was right no matter what the cost or persecution; "even death on a cross." In an ARIS study in 2008, 76% of people in the U.S. said they considered themselves to be Christians.

Yeah. Right.

To which I ask, "Why aren't more standing up? Why aren't more being persecuted? And why are we persecuting?"

What's the cost of Integrity?

In Matthew 5: 10-11 it says that "God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me."

I applaud the people who have the backbone and integrity to stand up for what's right especially when it comes to sacrificing their jobs, financial security, and even family. That's what God's looking for and what He needs. The story behind this, though making me aggravated and angry, makes me smile for I know His Glory is revealed through his children's persecution. Let us learn a lesson from our Brothers and Sisters

And Blow Our Whistle

corny? Yeah well so are Justin Beiber's lyrics

Under the Influence

2009-12-04T00:18:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this then you are an influence. Not just an influence but a good influence. And not just a good influence, but a good influence on my life. I am blessed with so many good friends that when I sit and think about it I can't help but feel I don't deserve it. I am writing this for you because you should know

you have changed me.

You may not believe me, but I wouldn't be taking the time out of my day to write this if it wasn't true. I believe that we should let the people know how much they mean to us and that even the smallest encounter with a person, such as yourself, can change a life. Granted some reading this I may not know as well as others but that doesn't make you any less of an influence. If you are reading this I can't tell you how many times I've thought and prayed that we could hang out more because of who you are and what or who you stand for. I am writing this to thank you for letting me be a friend, for letting me hang out, and even for letting me be apart of your life. I am writing this to let you know that you are an influence and that you keep being the influence. I wanna let you know that you matter; not just to me but probably to a whole lot of others. Though cliche, there's nothing more true. I pray I can be a blessing like you have been to me and that I can learn how to be a positive influence like you have shown.

So with my hat off and my glass lifted, I toast to you and everything you have or haven't done.

Cheers Guys

and

Bottoms Up

Woah-man

2009-11-28T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was eating lunch with some friends the other day and out of no where, I came to a realization. A realization that I always knew but

never

really

got.

You know the kind of realization you have that you've always known or understood but for some reason it just decided to click. And as I sat there in a conversation with a friend eating the infamous chicken sandwich, I looked around. And....

Just

Clicked.

There were women surrounding me talking, laughing, and smiling. I couldn't help but smile. Because there I realized, I am surrounded by the most beautiful creation God has made. It floored me I never saw it before and as my friend's conversation continued my epiphany distorted all sound. How could I have never grasped this? It reminded me of the story of Adam and Eve.

God created Adam and put him in a garden in the east, in Eden. "He put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." But there was no suitable helper for Adam so "the Lord God caused him to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of Adam and he brought her to the man." Adam then said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

As I looked around all I saw was Eve, the suitable helper made from man's own bones and flesh. And as I glanced around at this Perfection

This Poetry

This Beauty

And This Art

around me, it brought several questions to mind. How can other guys not see this? Why do they only see an opportunity of sexual immorality? Or why do they only see imperfection? And ladies, why are you worried about what you look like? Why are you so worried about your appearance? I can't tell you how stressful it is when girls call themselves fat or ugly when they're not. You need to realize that you are perfect...just...the...way...you...are. And as much of a cliche as that is it's true. You are Eve! If God didn't like the way you were created he wouldn't have created you! And if a guy, or so called "man", can't see that then he's not worth your time! I get so frustrated when I hear a girl talk about how her boyfriend/husband/fiance/friend (or whatever the case may be) isn't treating her right and she's sick of it. The answer is simple. Run! Leave! Why do you want to wait around for a man who is not your Adam?

The last question I ponder is one most guys ask; where is my Eve? But whenever I ask this question it is always followed by another; am I Adam? Am I the man I need/want to be who deserves an Eve? Does my life reflect Christ where I deserve or should be blessed with an Eve? It's a questions I more often than not ask myself. And until God reveals that answer to me I strive to be the man of God He wants me to be. But I still can't help but think about my Eve. I can't wait to meet her because I know when I do, I can be her Adam. I want to be the guy who fights for her and her heart. I wanna be her knight (yeah I know super cheesy) who would sleigh the dragon and the ends of the earth just to get to her; even if its to see that smile one last time. I wanna be the the man who gives all he has to her. Who will take care of her in every aspect that he should and knows how. I wanna be the man who puts that smile on her face and knows the secrets everybody doesn't. I want to be her Adam. Her suitable helper. I want to be united. I want to become one flesh. And I await that day with anticipation and eagerness but with patience for I know He will bring her to me when I become that man.

As I end this I can't help but laugh cause all these thoughts and realizations that overcame me, overcame me with a chicken sandwich in my hand. Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor

A Glimpse of Grace

2009-11-01T00:22:00.000-07:00

I'm here but i'm not really here.

I sit in my chair watching my friends

As they talk to each other

With smiles on their faces

And laughter bouncing off the walls

But dieing as I realize my own reality.

The sound and noise fall short of my existence

As if I was underwater looking to the surface

For my thoughts are somewhere else.

I thought the problems were gone.

I thought I disciplined them and put them in the corner

Where they belong.

But I soon realize they're just like children.

If stuck in the same place for too long

They become restless and test their boundaries.

I have been tested and I have failed.

I sit realizing my own heart cannot be trusted

And that this grace He gives us and wraps us in

Is like a child encompassed in a warm blanket by his mother

Crying

Knowing

That he did wrong but she holds him regardless.

With him close to her chest and arms wrapped around him

He feels the warmth and safety of her love and forgiveness

As the sobs begin to weaken.

I am this child cause I fail day in and day out

But I am yet given this gift we call Grace.

And as I sit in this chair I am humbled by the thought

Cause I don't deserve it.

I don't want Heartbreak but yet I break His heart everyday.

I sit there thinking how I can change so drastically

From one day

To the next.

I'm on track

Then I'm not.

I lean back and lightly chuckle

Cause I feel I don't even know myself anymore.

Why is it on nights like this my actions don't reflect the man I want to be

But a man I despise?

My actions reflect a man of this world

Not the next.

So I ask myself, "How does this happen?"

How'd it get this way?

Jeremiah 17:9

"Man's heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

My heart is deceitful and longs for the things

And People of this world.

So I change even to a point of where I don't even know who I am

And why or who I'm acting for.

I keep asking for these burdens, especially one, to be lifted

But yet these children keep sneaking out of the corner

Leaving me embarrassed, humbled and

Exposed to the All Knowing.

Bringing me back to the thought of Grace.

I long to change into the man Christ wants me to be

But I realize the only way I will get there is by tests and trials

So that I can develop perseverance.

For "perserverance must finish its work so that

You may be Mature

And Complete,

Not lacking Anything."

And as a chair squeaks and my name is called

I am brought back to my friends.

And as the tests occur, I ask Christ for strength

To persevere

And to accept the gift of Grace

For when I fail.

Cause My Heart Aches Otherwise

Hide and Seek

2009-10-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

I hate this feeling.

I'm ready to meet you.

His Day, Not Mine

2009-09-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

My dreams fade as the sound of a beeping wake my reality.

I climb out of comfort dragging my feet for another day

And walk with indifference to clean my body of wickedness.

The water drips over me

With my eyes closed

And hands against the wall.

My mind calms as I meditate on the sound of dripping water

And the touch of warm purity that hits my shoulders.

Thoughts wonder from one to another

Concerning my life and how it is lived

But I rid myself of such thoughts

Cause the burden of stress is like acid.

After the handle is turned and the water ceases

I make my way back to what I now consider "home"

To dress with first a sock and finally a shirt.

I look in the mirror as if to try and gain a kind of acceptance

But 1st Peter intervenes.

So I sit down and open my guide to a better life.

A life of purity

A life of discipline

A life of love

After some spiritual insight

The clock tells me its time to start the day

And the book next to it tells me

To start it right.

So as I walk downstairs towards the doors

Separating me from the outside world

I ask myself if this will be my day

Or His.

But as I walk through those doors I quickly realize

This should be His day.

I see the sun shine through the morning dew

And the branches on the trees reaching towards the Heavens.

The wind hits my face as if to say, "Good Morning"

While the suns rays warm my upper back.

I take a look at the creation that my Creator has made

And can't help but be comforted by the grace of our God.

His art far outweighs Van Gogh or Michelangelo's

For his art lives and breathes.

It turns a small seed into a Redwood.

It turns coal and pressure into a priceless stone.

It turns love into a living breathing baby.

I'm reminded everyday I step outside

That this isn't my day

This is His day.

The day goes on and His beauty screams its magnificence

Though we live in a society where most are deaf

And most are blind to the most obvious.

So I do my best to open my eyes and ears

To what was created around me

So that I might worship Yahweh

The creator of the Heavens and Earth.

We are the paint on His canvas

We are clay in His hands

We are his creation.

And that is why this should be His day

Not mine.

So as I walk on the manmade concrete

Towards a classroom of insignificance

I glance at the grass

The trees

The flowers

And the clouds

And realize the comfort is not where I left my dreams,

It's when I begin my day

To Whom it May Concern

2009-07-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

I sit here with my hands through my hair

Leaning over my desk listening to the music

As my emotions dance on the notes of the melody.

My chest hurts

My stomach turns

My body lifeless

And my breathing heavy

For my anticipation and eagerness are like two kids

In search of a treasure

A treasure worth far more than silver or gold

A treasure not easily found but often sought after

An emotion

A feeling

An action

One word that is used too often or used too little

Love

I sit here re-living the scenes of the cliche love stories

As the music fades in and out

And I can't help but think of that word

Love

A word so powerful and poetic

That it can bring a man to his knees

Or a tear from her eyes.

My thoughts surround the word

And my patience grows thin.

Though I don't know you

I want to

More often than not

I lie awake imagining those moments

Those moments you read in stories

Those moments you see in movies

Those moments I'm with you

And everything is perfect.

I long to look into those eyes I'm meant to look into

And to lightly grab the tip of your chin

To tell you those 3 words I will tell you everyday

For as long as your heart beats.

I pray I am given the chance to treat you as a unique flower

Grown in the Garden of Eden

And that no matter what is said or done

Those 3 words will never be lost.

I promise to honor you

And to keep you in sickness and in health

Remaining faithful to you for as long as

You and I

Both shall live.

But yet I do not know you

And I am brought back down to my desk

Listening to the sounds of melodies that

Surround my lifeless body and the hands in my hair.

I am left with the thought of another cliche

And a sick stomach.

So I sit here writing this for you

With a half smirk on my face

Knowing that those moments will come

And that i'll be here waiting for them

While preparing myself for you.

So with that said

This is

To Whom It May Concern

My Handicap

2009-06-09T23:04:00.000-07:00

My mind tears away at the memories

The memories I thought that were forgotten

The memories I thought I flushed away

But they still fizzle to the top

And turn my stomach like the drying of a wet rag

While embarrassment and guilt floods my horizon.

I shake my head in disgust coming to the realization

That I was that regret

That regret that we all have in past experiences

Where we ask ourselves that one simple question,

"Why?"

And after meditating on all that was said and done

I can't say I blame you

I look back and can't help but ask myself the same question,

"Why?"

As my memories surround me and I look at myself

Through the eyes of someone who has lost

My body quivers

It shakes at all the mistakes that were made

It shakes at all the wrong words that were said

It trembles at the idiocracy that was shown

Leaving me with a bad taste of regret and want

And knowing there's no way to go back and correct it.

So I sit in disgust and despair

While I look at what was lost

And though wanting to reach out and grab another chance

I can't

For that would be selfish.

I see things are better for you

So I step back and watch a new road being paved

While inspiration runs through my veins

To be the person I should've been

Because the past cannot be changed

But the future can be carved.

So with that inspiration in hand

I live

I live day to day trying to be the man you deserved

And not the boy you recieved.

Though I may not show my handicap

I am crippled by being that regret

and the bread crumbs that led me there.

So I grasp my cane of inspiration to hold me up

and to allow me to walk tall on what lies ahead

Tweet My SpaceBook

2009-04-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

A few days ago a friend and myself got on the topic of today's most well known social networks.

Facebook

Myspace

Twitter

This conversation led to the term "Legitimacy" and how it's an important aspect of these social webspaces. If you notice on Myspace, kids from the ages of 10-15 tend to exagerate a little when it comes to their age. Why? Because of the female sex primarily. If they see a picture of a hot breezy but notice that they're age, or the age they CLAIM to be, is quite a bit older then they are inspired to "exagerate" their age a little in hopes of this "Heaven on Earth" to take an interest in them. Though the profile pic always throws them for a loop.

Because of these known occurences, Myspace's Legitimacy has decreased 17%, occording to the LSS (Legit Shit Statistics) in this year alone. And it has not gone down just because of the age gage abusers.

Over 15,600 pedifials have joined myspace in the last 2 years (numbers may be slightly embellished). I mean with all the cases of grown men looking at younger girls or boys it would only be a matter of time til the Legitimacy of Myspace was to drop significantly. It's too sick of a thought when thinking that there's a chance that a man old enough to fart dust could be looking at your picture and creating his own music video to "Afternoon Delight".

So for all you people wanting to get a Myspace account, check the LSS statistics first then weigh out the pros and cons.

As far as Facebook goes a majority of all social networking artists use Facebook more than Myspace. This is because of the useful easy features it comes with. The Facebook chat was a hit when it came out. Rosie O' Donal commented, "Facebook chat is....". Though the rest of the quote was lost, "Facebook chat" was still commented on and no one would argue with the infamous Betty Rubbel. Other fun useful features are the games you can play with other friends or subscribers. These would include Texas Hold Em' matches, Mafia Wars, and the well known "You poke me then i'll poke you" routine. You can just smell the Legitimacy rising.

But why is it so Legit? Why do people not question your age, taste in music, or favorite movies on Facebook. Simple. It's a majority decision. People know the ratio of people that lie to people that don't on Facebook and it's simply not negotiable. It's too low to even be discussed.

And Twitter. My opinion on Twitter is simply this. It's a cop-out of Facebook statuses. Tweeter McTweeterson over here knew the high Legitimacy rating of Facebook and decided to make a website simply devoted to Statuses. Brilliant yet cliche'. But I can't complain because I have a Twitter and it's addicting.

I cannot begin to to even write out the entire conversation of my friend and me because the depth could not be obtained by this Toshiba computer.

All I want, nay NEED to say is this:

Tweet My SpaceBook

Awake While Sleeping

2009-04-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

He looks at himself in the mirror every night to see what's changed

Though not all change is growth, all growth is change

So he leaves his body to explore the depth of his past

And hopes that growth has encompassed him like a mother over her child

Praying that one night he may be able to sleep with both eyes closed

Knowing that he could look at himself in the mirror

Before the gates of guilt clasped shut

Because God knows how many nights were spent

With both eyes open

And heart beating parallel

To the pain of a lost love

Or a love lost.

So while the body stands staring at its reflection

The mind wanders.

But the same baggage finds its way back to his shoulders

Leaving him winded

And asking questions with no answers.

Though it's always the same 2 burdens with one for each shoulder

And each one so heavy,

it drags him to his knees crying out for safety.

Safety from himself and the heart he carries.

For he is his own deciever and enemy

And the only one who can control what his heart feels

And what it doesn't.

His knees scarred from the time spent down

His voice hoarse from how long he's screamed

His shoulders sore from the weight of confessions

"I don't want it to be like this!" he screams

Knowing he is heard but questioning what will be done

While he kneels there weeping of what his life has become.

A life of guilt,

A life without passion,

A life of questioning.

Questioning if he truly believes

And if he really does why doesn't he try harder?

Why doesn't he seek harder?

Why is his love supressed by laziness?

And why is he questioning his stance on something

That shouldn't keep his eyes from closing?

It's simple

He is desiring what is most desired

But he can't speak because of what might be lost

Words of confession might ruin what's already good

So he keeps the strap tight on his shoulder

Letting the bag hang close to his heart.

He wishes there was another way

A better way

But because of the known knock of Heartbreak

The bag dangles

So the mind turns back to the body after looking back

On what's looked on so often

And after what seems like an eternity

Of staring into the depths of his past

And the hopes of his future

He walks towards the bed

Knowing He will be awake while sleeping

The Sound of My Melody

2009-04-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

I wish I could spill my secret but there's too much at risk.

But isn't life about risks?

Maybe, though this is more than a game of Jeopardy.

So what do I do?

Do I keep going from day to day living with this hidden confession buried within my chest?

Or do I unlock this burden and swallow the key?

I can't decide with Fear yelling in my face.

And when I try to yell back my voice is lost in the sounds of questions.

"What if it doesn't work?"

"What if it's true?"

"What will happen if I try?"

So I come upon a T in the road.

Do I go right?

Or do I go left?

I turn to friends but they are no help because loyalty is usually conquered by gossip

So I stand there...in the middle of the road...hoping...praying I don't get run over by Opportunity

If I decide to go right great experiences may lie but heartbreak could be lerking under the bridge

If I decide to go left I may avoid a disaster or turn away from what is most longed for

I wish there were signs to direct me to a path worth choosing

But there aren't.

There are only signs of confusion.

I ask myself why this is so hard

This shouldn't be that big of a deal

But it is.

Why?

Because it deals with matters of the heart

My heart doesn't want to be another face on a totem pole

It wants to be a rose among thorns

A melody among sounds

A note among chords

So is the road to the right worth it?

Is it worth the consequences that may lie ahead?

There's only one way to know.

Follow the sound of the melody

Relationships

2009-03-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

About a month ago some friends as well as myself went to LifeChurch in Oklahoma City. AWEOME church. The pastor there was preaching on the topic of relationships, mainly marriage, in which the whole series was entitled "The Vow". Considering i'm not in a relationship, let alone married, I figured this testimony wouldn't apply to me but as usual my assumptions came back to slap me in the face.

Phil Munsey led the sermon to an important aspect that everyone should know and hear at least once. Most people think that a relationship should be mutual, which isn't entirely false but can lead to some big and shaky arguments. When a married couple goes to counseling a good majority of the problem is that "they won't do their part". I mean they should both put equal amounts on the table right? "Well i'll do my part if she does hers" or "If he would just contribute we wouldn't be like this". Phil explained that maybe the one implying that the other wasn't doing their part wasn't entirely doing theirs either. Best way to explain is that it comes down to showing love. Agape love.

Agape love is a love that is selfless and doesn't look for something in return. A love that gives and gives and gives and gives but is indifferent to whether or not it is returned. This love is hard to give because of the society we have been raised in. We think that we should reap what we sow. You give then i'll give. Why's this? It's simple. Heartbreak. No one wants to be heartbroken. Everyone's been heartbroken, including myself, and it's not fun. So to save us from this hearbreak we put out only the amount the other person gives so if one splits no one walks away saying, "I put too much into it." Honestly I can't blame anybody for doing this but ultimately it's not what we're called to do. We're called to show the love of Christ. The Agape Love.

Paul gave an example of a couple that went to counseling and when asked what's the problem, the guy answered, "She doesn't respect me! I give and give and give and she just takes and takes and takes! She just doesn't respect me!" To which the counselor replies, "Do you give her a reason to respect you?" Paul explains that if we be the people we're supposed to be, the loving selflessly giving ones, then we'd get the respect we deserve and who knows...the other person might change. But again no one should expect anything in return because why? It's an Agape Love.

See when people get the taste of that love it's like feeding stray dogs...they're always coming back for more. "The Hunger for Love is much more difficult to remove than the Hunger for Bread." But the thing to get past is not expecting anything in return. It's hard. Real hard. Because we put ourselves out there to get hurt. To be vulnerable. To be heartbroken. And from experience it's not fun to go through. "The Heart is the only broken instrument that works." So how do we get past it and show this Agape Love? To put it bluntly we suck it up and remember that's what Jesus did. He loved People whether They loved Him back. I mean what's the worst scenario for us? We put ourselves out there. They either don't want any part of it or just take what you give. Does that compare to loving people unconditionally then having them turn against you and putting nails through your hands and feet?

It's time that love was shown and not just said. But hey I still get it. Neither you or me wants to get hurt again. We want to play it safe. We want to give only what's BEEN given. We want it to be on an equal square.

But what if Jesus did that? Then where would we be?

The American Dream?

2009-03-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

America controls nearly 20 percent of the world's wealth. There are around 6 billion people in the world, and there are roughly three hundred million people in the US. That makes America less than 5 percent of the world's population. And this 5 percent owns a fifth of the world's wealth.

One billion people in the world do not have access to clean water, while the average Americans throw away 14 percent of the food we purchase.

Nearly one billion people in the world live on less than one American dollar a day.

Another 2.5 billion people in the world live on less than 2 American dollars a day.

More than half of the world lives on less than 2 dollars a day, while the average American teenager spends nearly $150 a week.

Forty percent of people in the world lack basic sanitation, while forty-nine million diapers are used and thrown away in America EVERY DAY.

One point six billion people in the world have no electricty.

Nearly one billion people in the world cannot read or sign their name.

Nearly one hundred million children are denied basic education.

By far, most of the people in the world do not own a car.

One-third of American families own three cars.

One in seven children worldwide (158 million) has to go to work every day just to survive.

Four out of five American adults are high school graduates.

Americans spend more annually on trash bags than nearly half of the world does on all goods.

So I ask what's the deal? Why is it like this? God bless America? Yeah i'd say so but why don't we use our blessings to bless others? Selfishness? Self-rightousness? So many think the more we have the more we'll be happy. Yeah right. The number of Americans taking antidepressants have tripled in the past decade. Clearly stating we're not happy. And with all the Stimulus Money going around I can't even begin to explain how much that can help the countries, let alone the people, that need it.

The American Dream? I'm living in an American Nightmare. We are in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. More like the Land of the Enslaved and the Home of the Scared. Enslaved to materials, self-righteousness, pride, money, and popularity. Scared to be different. Scared to go against the current. Scared to stand up for what's right instead of standing in the crowd unnoticed and on everyone's "good side".

We are "One Nation Under God" with "Liberty and Justice for All".

"One Nation Under God". If one is under another that means that we are subordinates. We are supposed to take orders from the Big Man because we are "One Nation Under God" not "God Under One Nation". Why can't we live up to what we have saluted to all those elementary school years? And "With Liberty and Justice for All"? Come on.

Justice - the quality of being just; righteousness and moral rightness; the moral principle determining just conduct.

So when thieves higher lawyers and win thousands to millions of dollars in a settlement because of some ridiculus reason that's just? Or when someone spills coffee, which is USUALLY HOT, on themselves they sue the corporation that served it to them saying it didn't read, "may be hot"? That's just?

American Dream? I'm proud to be an American?

Should I?

Life

2009-03-08T15:38:00.000-07:00

Life is pretty swell right now. Nothing to complain about except school really but that's usually a given, and it's not even that bad; just ready for summer. Got decent grades as well as a decent GPA, hanging out with friends, taking life easy, and working on the whole design thing.

Got an awesome goal as far as school and a career goes. Decided to switch my major to Graphic Design and I plan on hitting it hard and learning anything and everything I can to become the best and most creative. Pretty psyched.

Only thing that I need to work on now is to ready The Word more and take time to dissect it and learn from it. I find myself just reading it like a chore or good deed but know that it should be more than that. But I am doing way better than I have been so I'm just taking baby steps.

Short blog but I felt the urge to write....

Let Her Legacy Live On

2009-02-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

When I was a senior in High School I remember our youth group hosted a "Let's recognize the Seniors" night. It was there that I heard something from my youth minister, Mike Havens, that I will never forget. He brought us seniors up individually to tell us how much he appreciated us and our committment to the youth group and to point out our good qualities as among other things.

My turn came and he talked for a little bit but then he led the conversation to something I didn't expect. See my Nannie died a couple of months before this and I can honestly say that she was the most devout Christian I knew. My biggest regret is that I didn't take advantage of her being as big of a mentor as I would have allowed. Mike began by claiming that he didn't know my Nannie very well but he knew of her from other people and her story/legacy. He knew of the great things that she did and how loving, caring, humble, selfless, and disciplined she was. He then asked me to cary on that legacy and to become just as she was. That has been burned in my memory ever since then. I hope that I can make Mike proud as well as my family. Even my Nannie looking down on me with our Creator "standing" next to her. I pray that I will gain the discipline to wake up in the wee hours of the morning praying to Him and seeking guidance and thanking Him for my many blessings. I pray that I would become as selfless and give as if there is nothing that I really own. I pray that I would become as intelligent as her when it came to knowing scripture so that the wisdom we all long for is at my fingertips for whatever situation may be at hand.

I pray that I may become a Disciple, Just As She Was.

I pray that her legacy will live on

Friends

2009-02-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

It's funny how friends can change so fast and so drastically. I remember in elementary school grown-ups would come and speak about the statistics on drinking and sex. They gave numbers on the number of under age drinkers there were especially in high school. Along with the ratio of virgins to non virgins. I remember thinking to myself that this guy doesn't know what he's talking about because my friends would never do that; obviously showing my ignorance. But when middle school hit i began seeing a change with the people I have known as my friends. And it seemed to get worse in high school. It's hard to see people that you love change into people that you can't really respect because of the choices they've made and continue to make. It hurts more than I thought especially when so much was invested and the potential that it had.

It even surprises me good friends that I used to hang out with a lot and stick up for just kind of drop off. Like they just kept me around because they didn't have anybody else because their other friends didn't like them anymore or were just in another places. But at the time I would think that that wouldn't be a factor. That we're all just good friends who like hanging out with each other. But as soon as another friend came down my thoughts on the matter changed. It seems that maybe we all weren't as good friends as we thought. And that maybe, just maybe, other people were right no matter how much I didn't want to believe them.

Maybe they were right

Clubin

2009-02-07T16:04:00.000-08:00

So life has been pretty good lately but still had it's usual twist in the midst of things. Last night was probably the most interesting considering everything that happened within the night. My cousin asked if I wanted to go to a club so I said yes because i thought it might be fun and a new experience. We went to one in talequah with her and one of her friends and listened to rap all the way up there. I never thought I would get so sick of rap in my whole life! Plus when we were filling up with gas turns out the cop filling up by us was the one who arrested my cousin last time she went "out on the town". We weren't off to a great start. We got to "EFFX" round 10:30 and it was not what I was expecting. Haha Usually on TV you see the clubs people go to and they're really big with lots of good looking people everywhere. Well that wasn't the case. There were weird people everywhere! People with weird haircuts with their Tapout shirts and chains and i'd say at least half were obice. There was even a point where I saw a guy short and stocky with baggy jeans, a Tapout shirt, a hat (which from the looks of it came from Pacsun) which was on the wrong way, and to top if off he had those big white Oakley sunglasses on. Who where's sunglasses in a club with no lighting except the ones over the tables and dance floor? Plus this place was pretty small with absolutely no class. But what do you expect from a small town? Honestly I expected a little more....

Well finally around 11:30 to 12 a lot more people started showing up and the dancing began. And yes I did get my groove on with a couple of Phillies. In about 30 minutes of shaking my groove thang I was hot, sweaty, and sick of all the drunk people being idiots. And for the record I did not drink let alone get drunk. I'm not about that.

Right before we left we all witnessed 2 people throw up back to back and we decided that was a sign to leave before it became a chain reaction. I had a good time but its not something I would like to do often. When we were on the road heading home something happened that I never would have expected or even witness. My cousin was driving and we were in the middle of Ft. Gibson and Talequah when I felt the brakes hit rather violently. I looked up and 2 dogs were in the road and she tried to swerve to miss them but failed. We hit one of them and all I heard was screaming and the screech of tires on the pavement. We didn't stop, which i'm still kind of unclear why, and just sat there in shock of what happened. I never would have thought I'd be the one in a car to make road kill.

We ended up going to IHOP afterwards to get something to eat and there were these old people, like late 40's early 50's, and I lost my appetite quite quickly. The main reason was the older woman (who clearly tried to look young) talking to the guy next to her. She was talking to him and joking around she offered to go out with him but he refused. To which she replied, "What am I not young enough or firm enough?" ....kill me now. I looked up from my once delicious looking pancakes at my cousin and her friend and asked, "Did I really just hear that?" We decided to leave after that experience and headed home.

All in all it was an interesting night and I hope my interesting nights from now on are a little less interesting in different aspects.

Hot Stuff

2009-01-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

So this is the first photoshop project that I've worked on and I have to say that I'm pretty happy with it. Let me know what you think and don't be afraid to give me your honest opinion.

Drama. Why?

2009-01-24T19:25:00.000-08:00

Oh the drama people can bring into one's life. I never understood it nor will i probably ever understand it. Yea it's typical in high school especially with the high school girls but with people that are graduated or at least old enough to know when to let things go or take responsibility for their actions....come one. This life is too short to worry about such insignificant things or to ruin someone's life. Things should be more simple along with the people that come with it. We should be humble and swallow pride when we're wrong and let things go when they don't matter. One of the things I hope to accomplish in my lifetime is to create less drama between me and other people that I come into contact with.

Things to Think About

2009-01-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

As my first official blog i wanted to talk about a book I recently read called Sex God, by Rob Bell. I finished the book a couple of days ago and frankly i already want to pick it up again because of all the thoughts and realizations it led me too.

The first chapter really caught my attention by Bell setting up how our humanity has changed. He starts the chapter out by giving a short summary of something Lieutenant Colonel Mercin Willet Gonin, a British soldier who helped liberate a German concentration camp, wrote in his diary. He explained how he had seen corpses laying everywhere; some in piles and some by themselves or in pairs where they have fallen. He also wrote that "it took a little time to get used to seeing men, women and children collapse as you walked by them. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from a diphtheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it."

Bell uses this horriffic document to explain how people are being stripped of their humanity. In Genesis it clearly states that in all of creation there is something different about humans. There is a divine spark that resides within them. We are bearers of the divine image. What we as people have not come to realize is that something as un-significant, or significant, as a bunch of hormone driven guys rating girls as they walk past is the same idea as starving Jews til they collapse where they stand. We strip people of their humanity.

One of the biggest things i took from this book, and especially the first chapter, is that how we treat creation is how we feel about our creator. Why must we treat people as an object or something that we could use when in all reality they are the same as us. A person with a story. A person with goals. A person with dreams. A person with regrets. Why is it so hard to love people that are "different" than us? I have come to realize that its how we as people, we as sinners, we as human beings see things and view the facts right in front of us. We don't see "they" as "we", "those" as "us" or "he" as "me". So when we treat "those" as "us" we are displaying the new humanity. The one God intended on us living in. God has called us to bring Heaven to Earth. We as Christians can either bring Heaven to Earth or Hell to Earth. I want to work towards the new humanity and give people a glimpse into another realm. Into a better way. A Heaven to Earth.