Awake While Sleeping

He looks at himself in the mirror every night to see what's changed

Though not all change is growth, all growth is change

So he leaves his body to explore the depth of his past

And hopes that growth has encompassed him like a mother over her child

Praying that one night he may be able to sleep with both eyes closed

Knowing that he could look at himself in the mirror 

Before the gates of guilt clasped shut

Because God knows how many nights were spent 

With both eyes open

And heart beating parallel

To the pain of a lost love

Or a love lost.

So while the body stands staring at its reflection

The mind wanders. 

But the same baggage finds its way back to his shoulders

Leaving him winded 

And asking questions with no answers.

Though it's always the same 2 burdens with one for each shoulder 

And each one so heavy, 

it drags him to his knees crying out for safety.

Safety from himself and the heart he carries.

For he is his own deciever and enemy

And the only one who can control what his heart feels

And what it doesn't.

His knees scarred from the time spent down

His voice hoarse from how long he's screamed

His shoulders sore from the weight of confessions

"I don't want it to be like this!" he screams

Knowing he is heard but questioning what will be done

While he kneels there weeping of what his life has become.

A life of guilt,

A life without passion,

A life of questioning.

Questioning if he truly believes

And if he really does why doesn't he try harder?

Why doesn't he seek harder?

Why is his love supressed by laziness?

And why is he questioning his stance on something

That shouldn't keep his eyes from closing?

It's simple

He is desiring what is most desired

But he can't speak because of what might be lost

Words of confession might ruin what's already good

So he keeps the strap tight on his shoulder

Letting the bag hang close to his heart.

He wishes there was another way

A better way

But because of the known knock of Heartbreak

The bag dangles

So the mind turns back to the body after looking back

On what's looked on so often

And after what seems like an eternity

Of staring into the depths of his past

And the hopes of his future

He walks towards the bed

Knowing He will be awake while sleeping