Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My Handicap

My mind tears away at the memories
The memories I thought that were forgotten
The memories I thought I flushed away
But they still fizzle to the top 
And turn my stomach like the drying of a wet rag
While embarrassment and guilt floods my horizon.
I shake my head in disgust coming to the realization 
That I was that regret 
That regret that we all have in past experiences
Where we ask ourselves that one simple question,
And after meditating on all that was said and done
I can't say I blame you
I look back and can't help but ask myself the same question,
As my memories surround me and I look at myself
Through the eyes of someone who has lost
My body quivers 
It shakes at all the mistakes that were made
It shakes at all the wrong words that were said
It trembles at the idiocracy that was shown 
Leaving me with a bad taste of regret and want
And knowing there's no way to go back and correct it.
So I sit in disgust and despair 
While I look at what was lost
And though wanting to reach out and grab another chance
I can't
For that would be selfish.
I see things are better for you
So I step back and watch a new road being paved
While inspiration runs through my veins
To be the person I should've been
Because the past cannot be changed
But the future can be carved.
So with that inspiration in hand
I live
I live day to day trying to be the man you deserved
And not the boy you recieved.
Though I may not show my handicap
I am crippled by being that regret
and the bread crumbs that led me there.
So I grasp my cane of inspiration to hold me up
and to allow me to walk tall on what lies ahead