Saturday, November 28, 2009


I was eating lunch with some friends the other day and out of no where, I came to a realization. A realization that I always knew but
You know the kind of realization you have that you've always known or understood but for some reason it just decided to click. And as I sat there in a conversation with a friend eating the infamous chicken sandwich, I looked around. And....
There were women surrounding me talking, laughing, and smiling. I couldn't help but smile. Because there I realized, I am surrounded by the most beautiful creation God has made. It floored me I never saw it before and as my friend's conversation continued my epiphany distorted all sound. How could I have never grasped this? It reminded me of the story of Adam and Eve.

God created Adam and put him in a garden in the east, in Eden. "He put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." But there was no suitable helper for Adam so "the Lord God caused him to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of Adam and he brought her to the man." Adam then said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

As I looked around all I saw was Eve, the suitable helper made from man's own bones and flesh. And as I glanced around at this Perfection
This Poetry
This Beauty
And This Art
around me, it brought several questions to mind. How can other guys not see this? Why do they only see an opportunity of sexual immorality? Or why do they only see imperfection? And ladies, why are you worried about what you look like? Why are you so worried about your appearance? I can't tell you how stressful it is when girls call themselves fat or ugly when they're not. You need to realize that you are And as much of a cliche as that is it's true. You are Eve! If God didn't like the way you were created he wouldn't have created you! And if a guy, or so called "man", can't see that then he's not worth your time! I get so frustrated when I hear a girl talk about how her boyfriend/husband/fiance/friend (or whatever the case may be) isn't treating her right and she's sick of it. The answer is simple. Run! Leave! Why do you want to wait around for a man who is not your Adam?

The last question I ponder is one most guys ask; where is my Eve? But whenever I ask this question it is always followed by another; am I Adam? Am I the man I need/want to be who deserves an Eve? Does my life reflect Christ where I deserve or should be blessed with an Eve? It's a questions I more often than not ask myself. And until God reveals that answer to me I strive to be the man of God He wants me to be. But I still can't help but think about my Eve. I can't wait to meet her because I know when I do, I can be her Adam. I want to be the guy who fights for her and her heart. I wanna be her knight (yeah I know super cheesy) who would sleigh the dragon and the ends of the earth just to get to her; even if its to see that smile one last time. I wanna be the the man who gives all he has to her. Who will take care of her in every aspect that he should and knows how. I wanna be the man who puts that smile on her face and knows the secrets everybody doesn't. I want to be her Adam. Her suitable helper. I want to be united. I want to become one flesh. And I await that day with anticipation and eagerness but with patience for I know He will bring her to me when I become that man.

As I end this I can't help but laugh cause all these thoughts and realizations that overcame me, overcame me with a chicken sandwich in my hand. Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor

Sunday, November 1, 2009

A Glimpse of Grace

I'm here but i'm not really here.
I sit in my chair watching my friends
As they talk to each other
With smiles on their faces
And laughter bouncing off the walls
But dieing as I realize my own reality.
The sound and noise fall short of my existence
As if I was underwater looking to the surface
For my thoughts are somewhere else.
I thought the problems were gone.
I thought I disciplined them and put them in the corner
Where they belong.
But I soon realize they're just like children.
If stuck in the same place for too long
They become restless and test their boundaries.
I have been tested and I have failed.
I sit realizing my own heart cannot be trusted
And that this grace He gives us and wraps us in
Is like a child encompassed in a warm blanket by his mother
That he did wrong but she holds him regardless.
With him close to her chest and arms wrapped around him
He feels the warmth and safety of her love and forgiveness
As the sobs begin to weaken.
I am this child cause I fail day in and day out
But I am yet given this gift we call Grace.
And as I sit in this chair I am humbled by the thought
Cause I don't deserve it.
I don't want Heartbreak but yet I break His heart everyday.
I sit there thinking how I can change so drastically
From one day
To the next.
I'm on track
Then I'm not.
I lean back and lightly chuckle
Cause I feel I don't even know myself anymore.
Why is it on nights like this my actions don't reflect the man I want to be
But a man I despise?
My actions reflect a man of this world
Not the next.
So I ask myself, "How does this happen?"
How'd it get this way?
Jeremiah 17:9
"Man's heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
My heart is deceitful and longs for the things
And People of this world.
So I change even to a point of where I don't even know who I am
And why or who I'm acting for.
I keep asking for these burdens, especially one, to be lifted
But yet these children keep sneaking out of the corner
Leaving me embarrassed, humbled and
Exposed to the All Knowing.
Bringing me back to the thought of Grace.
I long to change into the man Christ wants me to be
But I realize the only way I will get there is by tests and trials
So that I can develop perseverance.
For "perserverance must finish its work so that
You may be Mature
And Complete,
Not lacking Anything."
And as a chair squeaks and my name is called
I am brought back to my friends.
And as the tests occur, I ask Christ for strength
To persevere
And to accept the gift of Grace
For when I fail.
Cause My Heart Aches Otherwise