Friday, December 4, 2009

Under the Influence

If you are reading this then you are an influence. Not just an influence but a good influence. And not just a good influence, but a good influence on my life. I am blessed with so many good friends that when I sit and think about it I can't help but feel I don't deserve it. I am writing this for you because you should know

you have changed me.

You may not believe me, but I wouldn't be taking the time out of my day to write this if it wasn't true. I believe that we should let the people know how much they mean to us and that even the smallest encounter with a person, such as yourself, can change a life. Granted some reading this I may not know as well as others but that doesn't make you any less of an influence. If you are reading this I can't tell you how many times I've thought and prayed that we could hang out more because of who you are and what or who you stand for. I am writing this to thank you for letting me be a friend, for letting me hang out, and even for letting me be apart of your life. I am writing this to let you know that you are an influence and that you keep being the influence. I wanna let you know that you matter; not just to me but probably to a whole lot of others. Though cliche, there's nothing more true. I pray I can be a blessing like you have been to me and that I can learn how to be a positive influence like you have shown.

So with my hat off and my glass lifted, I toast to you and everything you have or haven't done.

Cheers Guys


Bottoms Up

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I was eating lunch with some friends the other day and out of no where, I came to a realization. A realization that I always knew but
You know the kind of realization you have that you've always known or understood but for some reason it just decided to click. And as I sat there in a conversation with a friend eating the infamous chicken sandwich, I looked around. And....
There were women surrounding me talking, laughing, and smiling. I couldn't help but smile. Because there I realized, I am surrounded by the most beautiful creation God has made. It floored me I never saw it before and as my friend's conversation continued my epiphany distorted all sound. How could I have never grasped this? It reminded me of the story of Adam and Eve.

God created Adam and put him in a garden in the east, in Eden. "He put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." But there was no suitable helper for Adam so "the Lord God caused him to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of Adam and he brought her to the man." Adam then said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

As I looked around all I saw was Eve, the suitable helper made from man's own bones and flesh. And as I glanced around at this Perfection
This Poetry
This Beauty
And This Art
around me, it brought several questions to mind. How can other guys not see this? Why do they only see an opportunity of sexual immorality? Or why do they only see imperfection? And ladies, why are you worried about what you look like? Why are you so worried about your appearance? I can't tell you how stressful it is when girls call themselves fat or ugly when they're not. You need to realize that you are And as much of a cliche as that is it's true. You are Eve! If God didn't like the way you were created he wouldn't have created you! And if a guy, or so called "man", can't see that then he's not worth your time! I get so frustrated when I hear a girl talk about how her boyfriend/husband/fiance/friend (or whatever the case may be) isn't treating her right and she's sick of it. The answer is simple. Run! Leave! Why do you want to wait around for a man who is not your Adam?

The last question I ponder is one most guys ask; where is my Eve? But whenever I ask this question it is always followed by another; am I Adam? Am I the man I need/want to be who deserves an Eve? Does my life reflect Christ where I deserve or should be blessed with an Eve? It's a questions I more often than not ask myself. And until God reveals that answer to me I strive to be the man of God He wants me to be. But I still can't help but think about my Eve. I can't wait to meet her because I know when I do, I can be her Adam. I want to be the guy who fights for her and her heart. I wanna be her knight (yeah I know super cheesy) who would sleigh the dragon and the ends of the earth just to get to her; even if its to see that smile one last time. I wanna be the the man who gives all he has to her. Who will take care of her in every aspect that he should and knows how. I wanna be the man who puts that smile on her face and knows the secrets everybody doesn't. I want to be her Adam. Her suitable helper. I want to be united. I want to become one flesh. And I await that day with anticipation and eagerness but with patience for I know He will bring her to me when I become that man.

As I end this I can't help but laugh cause all these thoughts and realizations that overcame me, overcame me with a chicken sandwich in my hand. Tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor

Sunday, November 1, 2009

A Glimpse of Grace

I'm here but i'm not really here.
I sit in my chair watching my friends
As they talk to each other
With smiles on their faces
And laughter bouncing off the walls
But dieing as I realize my own reality.
The sound and noise fall short of my existence
As if I was underwater looking to the surface
For my thoughts are somewhere else.
I thought the problems were gone.
I thought I disciplined them and put them in the corner
Where they belong.
But I soon realize they're just like children.
If stuck in the same place for too long
They become restless and test their boundaries.
I have been tested and I have failed.
I sit realizing my own heart cannot be trusted
And that this grace He gives us and wraps us in
Is like a child encompassed in a warm blanket by his mother
That he did wrong but she holds him regardless.
With him close to her chest and arms wrapped around him
He feels the warmth and safety of her love and forgiveness
As the sobs begin to weaken.
I am this child cause I fail day in and day out
But I am yet given this gift we call Grace.
And as I sit in this chair I am humbled by the thought
Cause I don't deserve it.
I don't want Heartbreak but yet I break His heart everyday.
I sit there thinking how I can change so drastically
From one day
To the next.
I'm on track
Then I'm not.
I lean back and lightly chuckle
Cause I feel I don't even know myself anymore.
Why is it on nights like this my actions don't reflect the man I want to be
But a man I despise?
My actions reflect a man of this world
Not the next.
So I ask myself, "How does this happen?"
How'd it get this way?
Jeremiah 17:9
"Man's heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
My heart is deceitful and longs for the things
And People of this world.
So I change even to a point of where I don't even know who I am
And why or who I'm acting for.
I keep asking for these burdens, especially one, to be lifted
But yet these children keep sneaking out of the corner
Leaving me embarrassed, humbled and
Exposed to the All Knowing.
Bringing me back to the thought of Grace.
I long to change into the man Christ wants me to be
But I realize the only way I will get there is by tests and trials
So that I can develop perseverance.
For "perserverance must finish its work so that
You may be Mature
And Complete,
Not lacking Anything."
And as a chair squeaks and my name is called
I am brought back to my friends.
And as the tests occur, I ask Christ for strength
To persevere
And to accept the gift of Grace
For when I fail.
Cause My Heart Aches Otherwise

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hide and Seek

I hate this feeling.

I'm ready to meet you.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

His Day, Not Mine

My dreams fade as the sound of a beeping wake my reality.
I climb out of comfort dragging my feet for another day
And walk with indifference to clean my body of wickedness.
The water drips over me
With my eyes closed
And hands against the wall.
My mind calms as I meditate on the sound of dripping water
And the touch of warm purity that hits my shoulders.
Thoughts wonder from one to another
Concerning my life and how it is lived
But I rid myself of such thoughts
Cause the burden of stress is like acid.

After the handle is turned and the water ceases
I make my way back to what I now consider "home"
To dress with first a sock and finally a shirt.
I look in the mirror as if to try and gain a kind of acceptance
But 1st Peter intervenes.
So I sit down and open my guide to a better life.
A life of purity
A life of discipline
A life of love

After some spiritual insight
The clock tells me its time to start the day
And the book next to it tells me
To start it right.
So as I walk downstairs towards the doors
Separating me from the outside world
I ask myself if this will be my day
Or His.
But as I walk through those doors I quickly realize
This should be His day.
I see the sun shine through the morning dew
And the branches on the trees reaching towards the Heavens.
The wind hits my face as if to say, "Good Morning"
While the suns rays warm my upper back.
I take a look at the creation that my Creator has made
And can't help but be comforted by the grace of our God.
His art far outweighs Van Gogh or Michelangelo's
For his art lives and breathes.
It turns a small seed into a Redwood.
It turns coal and pressure into a priceless stone.
It turns love into a living breathing baby.
I'm reminded everyday I step outside
That this isn't my day
This is His day.

The day goes on and His beauty screams its magnificence
Though we live in a society where most are deaf
And most are blind to the most obvious.
So I do my best to open my eyes and ears
To what was created around me
So that I might worship Yahweh
The creator of the Heavens and Earth.

We are the paint on His canvas
We are clay in His hands
We are his creation.
And that is why this should be His day
Not mine.
So as I walk on the manmade concrete
Towards a classroom of insignificance
I glance at the grass
The trees
The flowers
And the clouds
And realize the comfort is not where I left my dreams,
It's when I begin my day

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

To Whom it May Concern

I sit here with my hands through my hair
Leaning over my desk listening to the music
As my emotions dance on the notes of the melody.
My chest hurts
My stomach turns
My body lifeless
And my breathing heavy
For my anticipation and eagerness are like two kids
In search of a treasure
A treasure worth far more than silver or gold
A treasure not easily found but often sought after
An emotion
A feeling
An action
One word that is used too often or used too little


I sit here re-living the scenes of the cliche love stories
As the music fades in and out
And I can't help but think of that word


A word so powerful and poetic
That it can bring a man to his knees
Or a tear from her eyes.
My thoughts surround the word
And my patience grows thin.
Though I don't know you
I want to
More often than not
I lie awake imagining those moments
Those moments you read in stories
Those moments you see in movies
Those moments I'm with you
And everything is perfect.
I long to look into those eyes I'm meant to look into
And to lightly grab the tip of your chin
To tell you those 3 words I will tell you everyday
For as long as your heart beats.
I pray I am given the chance to treat you as a unique flower
Grown in the Garden of Eden
And that no matter what is said or done
Those 3 words will never be lost.
I promise to honor you
And to keep you in sickness and in health
Remaining faithful to you for as long as
You and I
Both shall live.
But yet I do not know you
And I am brought back down to my desk
Listening to the sounds of melodies that
Surround my lifeless body and the hands in my hair.
I am left with the thought of another cliche
And a sick stomach.
So I sit here writing this for you
With a half smirk on my face
Knowing that those moments will come
And that i'll be here waiting for them
While preparing myself for you.
So with that said
This is
To Whom It May Concern

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

My Handicap

My mind tears away at the memories
The memories I thought that were forgotten
The memories I thought I flushed away
But they still fizzle to the top 
And turn my stomach like the drying of a wet rag
While embarrassment and guilt floods my horizon.
I shake my head in disgust coming to the realization 
That I was that regret 
That regret that we all have in past experiences
Where we ask ourselves that one simple question,
And after meditating on all that was said and done
I can't say I blame you
I look back and can't help but ask myself the same question,
As my memories surround me and I look at myself
Through the eyes of someone who has lost
My body quivers 
It shakes at all the mistakes that were made
It shakes at all the wrong words that were said
It trembles at the idiocracy that was shown 
Leaving me with a bad taste of regret and want
And knowing there's no way to go back and correct it.
So I sit in disgust and despair 
While I look at what was lost
And though wanting to reach out and grab another chance
I can't
For that would be selfish.
I see things are better for you
So I step back and watch a new road being paved
While inspiration runs through my veins
To be the person I should've been
Because the past cannot be changed
But the future can be carved.
So with that inspiration in hand
I live
I live day to day trying to be the man you deserved
And not the boy you recieved.
Though I may not show my handicap
I am crippled by being that regret
and the bread crumbs that led me there.
So I grasp my cane of inspiration to hold me up
and to allow me to walk tall on what lies ahead

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Tweet My SpaceBook

A few days ago a friend and myself got on the topic of today's most well known social networks.
This conversation led to the term "Legitimacy" and how it's an important aspect of these social webspaces. If you notice on Myspace, kids from the ages of 10-15 tend to exagerate a little when it comes to their age. Why? Because of the female sex primarily. If they see a picture of a hot breezy but notice that they're age, or the age they CLAIM to be, is quite a bit older then they are inspired to "exagerate" their age a little in hopes of this "Heaven on Earth" to take an interest in them. Though the profile pic always throws them for a loop. 
Because of these known occurences, Myspace's Legitimacy has decreased 17%, occording to the LSS (Legit Shit Statistics) in this year alone. And it has not gone down just because of the age gage abusers.
Over 15,600 pedifials have joined myspace in the last 2 years (numbers may be slightly embellished). I mean with all the cases of grown men looking at younger girls or boys it would only be a matter of time til the Legitimacy of Myspace was to drop significantly. It's too sick of a thought when thinking that there's a chance that a man old enough to fart dust could be looking at your picture and creating his own music video to "Afternoon Delight".
So for all you people wanting to get a Myspace account, check the LSS statistics first then weigh out the pros and cons.

As far as Facebook goes a majority of all social networking artists use Facebook more than Myspace. This is because of the useful easy features it comes with. The Facebook chat was a hit when it came out. Rosie O' Donal commented, "Facebook chat is....". Though the rest of the quote was lost, "Facebook chat" was still commented on and no one would argue with the infamous Betty Rubbel. Other fun useful features are the games you can play with other friends or subscribers. These would include Texas Hold Em' matches, Mafia Wars, and the well known "You poke me then i'll poke you" routine. You can just smell the Legitimacy rising. 
But why is it so Legit? Why do people not question your age, taste in music, or favorite movies on Facebook. Simple. It's a majority decision. People know the ratio of people that lie to people that don't on Facebook and it's simply not negotiable. It's too low to even be discussed. 

And Twitter. My opinion on Twitter is simply this. It's a cop-out of Facebook statuses. Tweeter McTweeterson over here knew the high Legitimacy rating of Facebook and decided to make a website simply devoted to Statuses. Brilliant yet cliche'. But I can't complain because I have a Twitter and it's addicting.

I cannot begin to to even write out the entire conversation of my friend and me because the depth could not be obtained by this Toshiba computer. 
All I want, nay NEED to say is this:

Tweet My SpaceBook

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Awake While Sleeping

He looks at himself in the mirror every night to see what's changed
Though not all change is growth, all growth is change
So he leaves his body to explore the depth of his past
And hopes that growth has encompassed him like a mother over her child
Praying that one night he may be able to sleep with both eyes closed
Knowing that he could look at himself in the mirror 
Before the gates of guilt clasped shut
Because God knows how many nights were spent 
With both eyes open
And heart beating parallel
To the pain of a lost love
Or a love lost.
So while the body stands staring at its reflection
The mind wanders. 
But the same baggage finds its way back to his shoulders
Leaving him winded 
And asking questions with no answers.
Though it's always the same 2 burdens with one for each shoulder 
And each one so heavy, 
it drags him to his knees crying out for safety.
Safety from himself and the heart he carries.
For he is his own deciever and enemy
And the only one who can control what his heart feels
And what it doesn't.
His knees scarred from the time spent down
His voice hoarse from how long he's screamed
His shoulders sore from the weight of confessions
"I don't want it to be like this!" he screams
Knowing he is heard but questioning what will be done
While he kneels there weeping of what his life has become.
A life of guilt,
A life without passion,
A life of questioning.
Questioning if he truly believes
And if he really does why doesn't he try harder?
Why doesn't he seek harder?
Why is his love supressed by laziness?
And why is he questioning his stance on something
That shouldn't keep his eyes from closing?
It's simple
He is desiring what is most desired
But he can't speak because of what might be lost
Words of confession might ruin what's already good
So he keeps the strap tight on his shoulder
Letting the bag hang close to his heart.
He wishes there was another way
A better way
But because of the known knock of Heartbreak
The bag dangles
So the mind turns back to the body after looking back
On what's looked on so often
And after what seems like an eternity
Of staring into the depths of his past
And the hopes of his future
He walks towards the bed
Knowing He will be awake while sleeping

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Sound of My Melody

I wish I could spill my secret but there's too much at risk. 
But isn't life about risks? 
Maybe, though this is more than a game of Jeopardy. 
So what do I do? 
Do I keep going from day to day living with this hidden confession buried within my chest? 
Or do I unlock this burden and swallow the key? 
I can't decide with Fear yelling in my face. 
And when I try to yell back my voice is lost in the sounds of questions. 
"What if it doesn't work?" 
"What if it's true?" 
"What will happen if I try?" 
So I come upon a T in the road. 
Do I go right? 
Or do I go left?
I turn to friends but they are no help because loyalty is usually conquered by gossip
So I stand the middle of the road...hoping...praying I don't get run over by Opportunity
If I decide to go right great experiences may lie but heartbreak could be lerking under the bridge
If I decide to go left I may avoid a disaster or turn away from what is most longed for
I wish there were signs to direct me to a path worth choosing
But there aren't.
There are only signs of confusion.
I ask myself why this is so hard
This shouldn't be that big of a deal
But it is.
Because it deals with matters of the heart
My heart doesn't want to be another face on a totem pole
It wants to be a rose among thorns
A melody among sounds
A note among chords
So is the road to the right worth it?
Is it worth the consequences that may lie ahead?
There's only one way to know. 
Follow the sound of the melody

Sunday, March 29, 2009


About a month ago some friends as well as myself went to LifeChurch in Oklahoma City. AWEOME church. The pastor there was preaching on the topic of relationships, mainly marriage, in which the whole series was entitled "The Vow". Considering i'm not in a relationship, let alone married, I figured this testimony wouldn't apply to me but as usual my assumptions came back to slap me in the face. 

Phil Munsey led the sermon to an important aspect that everyone should know and hear at least once. Most people think that a relationship should be mutual, which isn't entirely false but can lead to some big and shaky arguments. When a married couple goes to counseling a good majority of the problem is that "they won't do their part". I mean they should both put equal amounts on the table right? "Well i'll do my part if she does hers" or "If he would just contribute we wouldn't be like this". Phil explained that maybe the one implying that the other wasn't doing their part wasn't entirely doing theirs either. Best way to explain is that it comes down to showing love. Agape love.

Agape love is a love that is selfless and doesn't look for something in return. A love that gives and gives and gives and gives but is indifferent to whether or not it is returned. This love is hard to give because of the society we have been raised in. We think that we should reap what we sow. You give then i'll give. Why's this? It's simple. Heartbreak. No one wants to be heartbroken. Everyone's been heartbroken, including myself, and it's not fun. So to save us from this hearbreak we put out only the amount the other person gives so if one splits no one walks away saying, "I put too much into it." Honestly I can't blame anybody for doing this but ultimately it's not what we're called to do. We're called to show the love of Christ. The Agape Love. 

Paul gave an example of a couple that went to counseling and when asked what's the problem, the guy answered, "She doesn't respect me! I give and give and give and she just takes and takes and takes! She just doesn't respect me!" To which the counselor replies, "Do you give her a reason to respect you?" Paul explains that if we be the people we're supposed to be, the loving selflessly giving ones, then we'd get the respect we deserve and who knows...the other person might change. But again no one should expect anything in return because why? It's an Agape Love.

See when people get the taste of that love it's like feeding stray dogs...they're always coming back for more. "The Hunger for Love is much more difficult to remove than the Hunger for Bread." But the thing to get past is not expecting anything in return. It's hard. Real hard. Because we put ourselves out there to get hurt. To be vulnerable. To be heartbroken. And from experience it's not fun to go through. "The Heart is the only broken instrument that works." So how do we get past it and show this Agape Love? To put it bluntly we suck it up and remember that's what Jesus did. He loved People whether They loved Him back. I mean what's the worst scenario for us? We put ourselves out there. They either don't want any part of it or just take what you give. Does that compare to loving people unconditionally then having them turn against you and putting nails through your hands and feet?

It's time that love was shown and not just said. But hey I still get it. Neither you or me wants to get hurt again. We want to play it safe. We want to give only what's BEEN given. We want it to be on an equal square.

But what if Jesus did that? Then where would we be?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The American Dream?

America controls nearly 20 percent of the world's wealth.  There are around 6 billion people in the world, and there are roughly three hundred million people in the US. That makes America less than 5 percent of the world's population. And this 5 percent owns a fifth of the world's wealth. 

One billion people in the world do not have access to clean water, while the average Americans throw away 14 percent of the food we purchase.

Nearly one billion people in the world live on less than one American dollar a day.

Another 2.5 billion people in the world live on less than 2 American dollars a day.

More than half of the world lives on less than 2 dollars a day, while the average American teenager spends nearly $150 a week.

Forty percent of people in the world lack basic sanitation, while forty-nine million diapers are used and thrown away in America EVERY DAY.

One point six billion people in the world have no electricty.

Nearly one billion people in the world cannot read or sign their name.

Nearly one hundred million children are denied basic education.

By far, most of the people in the world do not own a car.

One-third of American families own three cars.

One in seven children worldwide (158 million) has to go to work every day just to survive.

Four out of five American adults are high school graduates.

Americans spend more annually on trash bags than nearly half of the world does on all goods.

So I ask what's the deal? Why is it like this? God bless America? Yeah i'd say so but why don't we use our blessings to bless others? Selfishness? Self-rightousness? So many think the more we have the more we'll be happy. Yeah right. The number of Americans taking antidepressants have tripled in the past decade. Clearly stating we're not happy. And with all the Stimulus Money going around I can't even begin to explain how much that can help the countries, let alone the people, that need it.

The American Dream? I'm living in an American Nightmare. We are in the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. More like the Land of the Enslaved and the Home of the Scared. Enslaved to materials, self-righteousness, pride, money, and popularity. Scared to be different. Scared to go against the current. Scared to stand up for what's right instead of standing in the crowd unnoticed and on everyone's "good side". 

We are "One Nation Under God" with "Liberty and Justice for All". 

"One Nation Under God". If one is under another that means that we are subordinates. We are supposed to take orders from the Big Man because we are "One Nation Under God" not "God Under One Nation". Why can't we live up to what we have saluted to all those elementary school years? And "With Liberty and Justice for All"? Come on.

Justice - the quality of being just; righteousness and moral rightness; the moral principle determining just conduct.

So when thieves higher lawyers and win thousands to millions of dollars in a settlement because of some ridiculus reason that's just? Or when someone spills coffee, which is USUALLY HOT, on themselves they sue the corporation that served it to them saying it didn't read, "may be hot"? That's just?

American Dream? I'm proud to be an American?

Should I?

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Life is pretty swell right now. Nothing to complain about except school really but that's usually a given, and it's not even that bad; just ready for summer. Got decent grades as well as a decent GPA, hanging out with friends, taking life easy, and working on the whole design thing.

Got an awesome goal as far as school and a career goes. Decided to switch my major to Graphic Design and I plan on hitting it hard and learning anything and everything I can to become the best and most creative. Pretty psyched. 

Only thing that I need to work on now is to ready The Word more and take time to dissect it and learn from it. I find myself just reading it like a chore or good deed but know that it should be more than that. But I am doing way better than I have been so I'm just taking baby steps.

Short blog but I felt the urge to write....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Let Her Legacy Live On

When I was a senior in High School I remember our youth group hosted a "Let's recognize the Seniors" night. It was there that I heard something from my youth minister, Mike Havens, that I will never forget. He brought us seniors up individually to tell us how much he appreciated us and our committment to the youth group and to point out our good qualities as among other things.

My turn came and he talked for a little bit but then he led the conversation to something I didn't expect. See my Nannie died a couple of months before this and I can honestly say that she was the most devout Christian I knew. My biggest regret is that I didn't take advantage of her being as big of a mentor as I would have allowed. Mike began by claiming that he didn't know my Nannie very well but he knew of her from other people and her story/legacy. He knew of the great things that she did and how loving, caring, humble, selfless, and disciplined she was. He then asked me to cary on that legacy and to become just as she was. That has been burned in my memory ever since then. I hope that I can make Mike proud as well as my family. Even my Nannie looking down on me with our Creator "standing" next to her. I pray that I will gain the discipline to wake up in the wee hours of the morning praying to Him and seeking guidance and thanking Him for my many blessings. I pray that I would become as selfless and give as if there is nothing that I really own. I pray that I would become as intelligent as her when it came to knowing scripture so that the wisdom we all long for is at my fingertips for whatever situation may be at hand. 

I pray that I may become a Disciple, Just As She Was.

I pray that her legacy will live on

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


It's funny how friends can change so fast and so drastically. I remember in elementary school grown-ups would come and speak about the statistics on drinking and sex. They gave numbers on the number of under age drinkers there were especially in high school. Along with the ratio of virgins to non virgins. I remember thinking to myself that this guy doesn't know what he's talking about because my friends would never do that; obviously showing my ignorance. But when middle school hit i began seeing a change with the people I have known as my friends. And it seemed to get worse in high school. It's hard to see people that you love change into people that you can't really respect because of the choices they've made and continue to make. It hurts more than I thought especially when so much was invested and the potential that it had.

It even surprises me good friends that I used to hang out with a lot and stick up for just kind of drop off. Like they just kept me around because they didn't have anybody else because their other friends didn't like them anymore or were just in another places. But at the time I would think that that wouldn't be a factor. That we're all just good friends who like hanging out with each other. But as soon as another friend came down my thoughts on the matter changed. It seems that maybe we all weren't as good friends as we thought. And that maybe, just maybe, other people were right no matter how much I didn't want to believe them. 

Maybe they were right

Saturday, February 7, 2009


So life has been pretty good lately but still had it's usual twist in the midst of things. Last night was probably the most interesting considering everything that happened within the night. My cousin asked if I wanted to go to a club so I said yes because i thought it might be fun and a new experience. We went to one in talequah with her and one of her friends and listened to rap all the way up there. I never thought I would get so sick of rap in my whole life! Plus when we were filling up with gas turns out the cop filling up by us was the one who arrested my cousin last time she went "out on the town". We weren't off to a great start. We got to "EFFX" round 10:30 and it was not what I was expecting. Haha Usually on TV you see the clubs people go to and they're really big with lots of good looking people everywhere. Well that wasn't the case. There were weird people everywhere! People with weird haircuts with their Tapout shirts and chains and i'd say at least half were obice. There was even a point where I saw a guy short and stocky with baggy jeans, a Tapout shirt, a hat (which from the looks of it came from Pacsun) which was on the wrong way, and to top if off he had those big white Oakley sunglasses on. Who where's sunglasses in a club with no lighting except the ones over the tables and dance floor? Plus this place was pretty small with absolutely no class. But what do you expect from a small town? Honestly I expected a little more....

Well finally around 11:30 to 12 a lot more people started showing up and the dancing began. And yes I did get my groove on with a couple of Phillies. In about 30 minutes of shaking my groove thang I was hot, sweaty, and sick of all the drunk people being idiots. And for the record I did not drink let alone get drunk. I'm not about that. 

Right before we left we all witnessed 2 people throw up back to back and we decided that was a sign to leave before it became a chain reaction. I had a good time but its not something I would like to do often. When we were on the road heading home something happened that I never would have expected or even witness. My cousin was driving and we were in the middle of Ft. Gibson and Talequah when I felt the brakes hit rather violently. I looked up and 2 dogs were in the road and she tried to swerve to miss them but failed. We hit one of them and all I heard was screaming and the screech of tires on the pavement. We didn't stop, which i'm still kind of unclear why, and just sat there in shock of what happened. I never would have thought I'd be the one in a car to make road kill.

We ended up going to IHOP afterwards to get something to eat and there were these old people, like late 40's early 50's, and I lost my appetite quite quickly. The main reason was the older woman (who clearly tried to look young) talking to the guy next to her. She was talking to him and joking around she offered to go out with him but he refused. To which she replied, "What am I not young enough or firm enough?" ....kill me now. I looked up from my once delicious looking pancakes at my cousin and her friend and asked, "Did I really just hear that?" We decided to leave after that experience and headed home.

All in all it was an interesting night and I hope my interesting nights from now on are a little less interesting in different aspects.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Hot Stuff

So this is the first photoshop project that I've worked on and I have to say that I'm pretty happy with it. Let me know what you think and don't be afraid to give me your honest opinion.

Photoshop 1

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Drama. Why?

Oh the drama people can bring into one's life. I never understood it nor will i probably ever understand it. Yea it's typical in high school especially with the high school girls but with people that are graduated or at least old enough to know when to let things go or take responsibility for their actions....come one. This life is too short to worry about such insignificant things or to ruin someone's life. Things should be more simple along with the people that come with it. We should be humble and swallow pride when we're wrong and let things go when they don't matter. One of the things I hope to accomplish in my lifetime is to create less drama between me and other people that I come into contact with.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things to Think About

As my first official blog i wanted to talk about a book I recently read called Sex God, by Rob Bell. I finished the book a couple of days ago and frankly i already want to pick it up again because of all the thoughts and realizations it led me too.

The first chapter really caught my attention by Bell setting up how our humanity has changed. He starts the chapter out by giving a short summary of something Lieutenant Colonel Mercin Willet Gonin, a British soldier who helped liberate a German concentration camp, wrote in his diary. He explained how he had seen corpses laying everywhere; some in piles and some by themselves or in pairs where they have fallen. He also wrote that "it took a little time to get used to seeing men, women and children collapse as you walked by them. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from a diphtheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it." 

Bell uses this horriffic document to explain how people are being stripped of their humanity. In Genesis it clearly states that in all of creation there is something different about humans. There is a divine spark that resides within them. We are bearers of the divine image. What we as people have not come to realize is that something as un-significant, or significant, as a bunch of hormone driven guys rating girls as they walk past is the same idea as starving Jews til they collapse where they stand. We strip people of their humanity. 

One of the biggest things i took from this book, and especially the first chapter, is that how we treat creation is how we feel about our creator. Why must we treat people as an object or something that we could use when in all reality they are the same as us. A person with a story. A person with goals. A person with dreams. A person with regrets. Why is it so hard to love people that are "different" than us? I have come to realize that its how we as people, we as sinners, we as human beings see things and view the facts right in front of us. We don't see "they" as "we", "those" as "us" or "he" as "me". So when we treat "those" as "us" we are displaying the new humanity. The one God intended on us living in. God has called us to bring Heaven to Earth. We as Christians can either bring Heaven to Earth or Hell to Earth. I want to work towards the new humanity and give people a glimpse into another realm. Into a better way. A Heaven to Earth.