Thursday, April 16, 2009

Awake While Sleeping

He looks at himself in the mirror every night to see what's changed
Though not all change is growth, all growth is change
So he leaves his body to explore the depth of his past
And hopes that growth has encompassed him like a mother over her child
Praying that one night he may be able to sleep with both eyes closed
Knowing that he could look at himself in the mirror 
Before the gates of guilt clasped shut
Because God knows how many nights were spent 
With both eyes open
And heart beating parallel
To the pain of a lost love
Or a love lost.
So while the body stands staring at its reflection
The mind wanders. 
But the same baggage finds its way back to his shoulders
Leaving him winded 
And asking questions with no answers.
Though it's always the same 2 burdens with one for each shoulder 
And each one so heavy, 
it drags him to his knees crying out for safety.
Safety from himself and the heart he carries.
For he is his own deciever and enemy
And the only one who can control what his heart feels
And what it doesn't.
His knees scarred from the time spent down
His voice hoarse from how long he's screamed
His shoulders sore from the weight of confessions
"I don't want it to be like this!" he screams
Knowing he is heard but questioning what will be done
While he kneels there weeping of what his life has become.
A life of guilt,
A life without passion,
A life of questioning.
Questioning if he truly believes
And if he really does why doesn't he try harder?
Why doesn't he seek harder?
Why is his love supressed by laziness?
And why is he questioning his stance on something
That shouldn't keep his eyes from closing?
It's simple
He is desiring what is most desired
But he can't speak because of what might be lost
Words of confession might ruin what's already good
So he keeps the strap tight on his shoulder
Letting the bag hang close to his heart.
He wishes there was another way
A better way
But because of the known knock of Heartbreak
The bag dangles
So the mind turns back to the body after looking back
On what's looked on so often
And after what seems like an eternity
Of staring into the depths of his past
And the hopes of his future
He walks towards the bed
Knowing He will be awake while sleeping






2 comments:

  1. Wow my friend. you have an amazing gift. I had no idea that you could write like this. Bravo.

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  2. This poem leaves me speechless every time I read it. Yet, it makes my mind race with questions. The truth in "though not all change is growth, all growth is change" overwhelms me. The burdens we so often carry leave us feeling empty and broken inside. Like "a life without passion." And we continue to move, but where are we moving to? We keep our eyes open at night, but what are we looking for? If we find it, will we even recognize it? Thank you for the glimpse into your soul.

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